bglewandowski

Joined Atlas Obscura in 2016

Brian Gerard (Lewandowski) writes books critics call "aggressively adequate"—better than "aggressively terrible" but somehow more concerning. He once traded a MetroCard for a pitchfork on a subway platform and now uses it exclusively for dramatic pointing. He lives on a farm outside Charlottesville, Virginia, which consists of three disappointed potted plants and a pig named Trouble McFussbucket who serves as his harshest critic. His wife just smiles politely. The plants have given up entirely. His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. One editor called it "what would happen if Finnegans Wake had a stroke." He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme, because discipline is hard) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his well-being). His debut novel, "Otter Boy," is forthcoming, assuming he resists replacing the manuscript with semicolons and otter doodles before deadline. He also just released another collection of shorts called "The 10-Items-or-Less Apocalypse." You can find them all on Amazon and at other fine literary establishments. Brian once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that was actually a plastic bag. The bag hasn't returned his calls. His photos have graced both the Smithsonian and several Post Offices—the wanted posters captured his good side. He's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies" (cocoa powder in a Ziploc). He called it avant-garde. The pastor's wife called the authorities. The authorities declined. Inheriting humanism from Steinbeck, absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen suddenly struggling through supernatural chaos—scenarios he understands intimately, since his entire life feels like someone else's fever dream he's forced to live through sober. He does his best writing where people can't escape: DMV waiting rooms, his car in Target parking lots, and Scottish castles when someone else is paying. His characters are clever and fearless. Brian remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.

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Places bglewandowski Wants to Go

254

Places I want to go

Places on this traveler's wishlist.

Oaks, Pennsylvania

World's Largest Slinky

Once on display alongside a giant Gumby, it’s as tall as a nine-story building when fully extended.

Cincinnati, Ohio

American Sign Museum

Where beautiful signs live on forever.

Arlington, Virginia

Dark Star Park

This unique historical monument features large concrete spheres designed to resemble fallen stars.

Washington, D.C.

Georgetown Waterfront

The little-known, 300-year history of the area includes former lives as a bustling tobacco port, parking lot, and industrial dump.

Roanoke, Virginia

Roanoke Pinball Museum

This collection of over 50 classic pinball machines awaits visitors to downtown Roanoke.

Permanently Closed

Lexington, Virginia

The Coffee Pot

The oddly shaped, steam-spewing building is now an art studio and gallery.

The sculpture at the U.S. Capitol Building rotunda.

Washington, D.C.

The Portrait Monument

Rumor has it the uncarved lump behind the three famous suffragists is reserved for the first woman president.

Washington, D.C.

The Dupont Underground

Long-abandoned trolley tunnels just a mile away from the White House are turning into an art space.

Ithaca, New York

Six Mile Creek

In upstate New York, gorgeous waterfalls and a watermill are slowly being reclaimed by nature.

Buffalo, New York

Richardson Olmsted Complex

Created by four famous men, the beautifully designed Buffalo State Asylum was resurrected as a hotel and art center, but still boasts a ghost story or two.