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Profile image for bglewandowski

bglewandowski

Joined Atlas Obscura in 2016

Brian Gerard (Lewandowski) writes books critics call "aggressively adequate"—better than "aggressively terrible" but somehow more concerning. He once traded a MetroCard for a pitchfork on a subway platform and now uses it exclusively for dramatic pointing. He lives on a farm outside Charlottesville, Virginia, which consists of three disappointed potted plants and a pig named Trouble McFussbucket who serves as his harshest critic. His wife just smiles politely. The plants have given up entirely. His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. One editor called it "what would happen if Finnegans Wake had a stroke." He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme, because discipline is hard) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his well-being). His debut novel, "Otter Boy," is forthcoming, assuming he resists replacing the manuscript with semicolons and otter doodles before deadline. He also just released another collection of shorts called "The 10-Items-or-Less Apocalypse." You can find them all on Amazon and at other fine literary establishments. Brian once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that was actually a plastic bag. The bag hasn't returned his calls. His photos have graced both the Smithsonian and several Post Offices—the wanted posters captured his good side. He's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies" (cocoa powder in a Ziploc). He called it avant-garde. The pastor's wife called the authorities. The authorities declined. Inheriting humanism from Steinbeck, absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen suddenly struggling through supernatural chaos—scenarios he understands intimately, since his entire life feels like someone else's fever dream he's forced to live through sober. He does his best writing where people can't escape: DMV waiting rooms, his car in Target parking lots, and Scottish castles when someone else is paying. His characters are clever and fearless. Brian remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
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Places I've been

Places this traveler has marked as been there.

Headstone of Anna Anderson

Charlottesville, Virginia

Headstone of Anna Anderson

Anna Anderson spent most of her life claiming to be the lost Romanov child Anastasia.

Monticello's Vegetable Garden and Fruitery

Charlottesville, Virginia

Monticello's Vegetable Garden and Fruitery

Thomas Jefferson's estate is home to hundreds of varieties of historic fruits and vegetables.

Statue of George Washington

Alexandria, Virginia

The George Washington Masonic National Memorial

This stately building in Alexandria, Virginia was built by Freemasons to honor one of their most famous members.

Byrd Theatre

Richmond, Virginia

Byrd Theatre

This beautiful vintage movie palace has seen little change in form or function since the 1920s.

GW Parkway

Arlington, Virginia

George Washington Memorial Parkway

This isn't your average roadway—it's actually a National Park and a transportation pioneer.

Warp Drive

Sterling, Virginia

Warp Drive

This pun was simply waiting to come to life, and one defense contractor made it so.

Gravelly Point Park

Arlington, Virginia

Gravelly Point Park

This lovely picnic spot featuring thunderous jet landings is an aircraft spotter’s dream.

The Grand Kugel

Richmond, Virginia

The Grand Kugel

This 29-ton granite ball spins around at the slightest touch thanks to a scientific phenomenon.

42 Lomasney Way

Boston, Massachusetts

The Last Tenement

The last remaining 19th-century tenement from Boston's old West End neighborhood.

The Towers of Narragansett.

Narragansett, Rhode Island

The Towers of Narragansett

The only surviving fragment of the lost Narragansett Pier Casino.

The knife and grill fork.

Boston, Massachusetts

North End Street Utensils

Silverware in the sidewalk outside a grocery store cements this neighborhood’s Italian culinary history.

Winnekenni Castle

Haverhill, Massachusetts

Winnekenni Castle

It was an experiment to prove that glacial boulders and rocks can be used in constructions and dwelling.

Boston Irish Famine Memorial

Boston, Massachusetts

Boston Irish Famine Memorial

Dedicated to one of the darkest moments in Irish history.

Plimoth Patuxet

Plymouth, Massachusetts

Plimoth Patuxet

Since 1947, this living history museum has been providing an immersive look at life in Plymouth Colony.

Orenda Spring tufa deposit.

Saratoga Springs, New York

Orenda Spring Tufa

A beautiful multicolored mound formed by the mineral deposits of the Orenda Spring.

The two mummies at the Albany Institute of History and Art.

Albany, New York

The Mummy Ankhefenmut

A CT scan revealed the identity of this 3,000-year-old mummy that everyone erroneously thought was female.

You'll never unsee it now.

Washington, D.C.

Washington Monument Marble Stripe

Look closely and you’ll notice that the color changes a third of the way up the tower.

Daguerre Monument

Washington, D.C.

Daguerre Monument

Go take a picture with the inventor of the daguerreotype photographic process.

A row of nitrate storage vaults at the Packard Campus

Culpeper, Virginia

National Audio-Visual Conservation Center

A bunker "with enough U.S. currency to replenish the cash supply east of the Mississippi" in the event of nuclear war now protects nitrate film.

Catacombs of Washington, D.C.

Washington, D.C.

Catacombs of Washington, D.C.

Franciscan monks created a facsimile of the Holy Land for North Americans who couldn’t afford the trip overseas.

The Moon rock is located in the center of the red planet in the Space Window's upper half

Washington, D.C.

Space Window at the Washington National Cathedral

A tiny piece of the Moon is embedded in this stained glass masterpiece.

A hollow coin

Washington, D.C.

International Spy Museum

Home to items never before seen by the public.

The entrance to the Udvar-Hazy Center

Chantilly, Virginia

Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center

At Washington's Dulles Airport is a satellite museum (no pun intended) with three quarters of a million square feet of aircraft history.

Nipper looks out over the Warehouse District on a clear February day.

Albany, New York

World’s Largest Nipper Statue

This giant monument of the RCA mascot is a beloved fixture in Albany, New York.

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