If you’re anything like me, you have a clearly-defined favorite variety of goat. On the other hand, if you’ve decided to dedicate time and thought to things like “work” or “healthy relationships,” you probably don’t. For those of you in the latter category, I’ve created a short guide to help you decide.

First off, hailing from the Southwest Moroccan Souss and Draa Valleys, these skyward-bound little buddies can be seen climbing high up into the branches of Argan trees. Apart from being wholly entertaining, they also aid in the production of the now super-trendy Argan oil. How? Simple! They eat the fruit and the undigested pit is then separated from their waste and processed. 

(It should be noted that most goat breeds are agile enough to climb tree branches, but because of their special role in the cultivation of Argan I have decided to distinguish these Moroccan goat breeds as specifically “agile”).

Goats climbing in trees - Goats love to climb trees - Atlas Obscura Blog

Goats in Trees - Tree climbing goats - Altas Obscura Blog

And in the other corner, representing the United States of America, we have the Fainting Goat. According to the International Fainting Goat Association, the roots of these goats go back to Tennessee and their fainting is attributed to a hereditary condition called Myotonia. 

In my heart, the clear winner in this race is the Agile Goat. However, with the evidence at hand, the choice is yours to make for yourself. 

Note: We all know we live in a Two-Goat system, but Third-Goat honorable mentions go to the Pygmy Goat for being so adorable that it actually makes me a little light-headed and the Boer Goat for having the neck of a bull-dog (Note: The Boer goat was expelled from the competition due to its Apartheid sympathies).