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Profile image for bglewandowski

bglewandowski

Joined Atlas Obscura in 2016

Brian Gerard (Lewandowski) writes books critics call "aggressively adequate"—better than "aggressively terrible" but somehow more concerning. He once traded a MetroCard for a pitchfork on a subway platform and now uses it exclusively for dramatic pointing. He lives on a farm outside Charlottesville, Virginia, which consists of three disappointed potted plants and a pig named Trouble McFussbucket who serves as his harshest critic. His wife just smiles politely. The plants have given up entirely. His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. One editor called it "what would happen if Finnegans Wake had a stroke." He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme, because discipline is hard) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his well-being). His debut novel, "Otter Boy," is forthcoming, assuming he resists replacing the manuscript with semicolons and otter doodles before deadline. He also just released another collection of shorts called "The 10-Items-or-Less Apocalypse." You can find them all on Amazon and at other fine literary establishments. Brian once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that was actually a plastic bag. The bag hasn't returned his calls. His photos have graced both the Smithsonian and several Post Offices—the wanted posters captured his good side. He's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies" (cocoa powder in a Ziploc). He called it avant-garde. The pastor's wife called the authorities. The authorities declined. Inheriting humanism from Steinbeck, absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen suddenly struggling through supernatural chaos—scenarios he understands intimately, since his entire life feels like someone else's fever dream he's forced to live through sober. He does his best writing where people can't escape: DMV waiting rooms, his car in Target parking lots, and Scottish castles when someone else is paying. His characters are clever and fearless. Brian remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
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Places I want to go

Places on this traveler's wishlist.

Church Hill Tunnel

Richmond, Virginia

Church Hill Tunnel

Under a playground is a little-known sealed train tunnel that likely contains the bodies of workers trapped by cave-ins.

The Rosslyn Metro escalator. (Steven Cohen/Atlas Obscura)

Arlington, Virginia

Rosslyn Metro Escalator

At 207 feet, one of the world's longest continuous escalators.

Hearse

Lynchburg, Virginia

Museums at Old City Cemetery

A quintet of history museums make this Virginia graveyard as much a resting place for funereal history as it is for people.

Abandoned Virginia Renaissance Faire

Fredericksburg, Virginia

Abandoned Virginia Renaissance Faire

The remains of a failed attempt at medieval nerdery are hidden deep in the woods of Virginia.

City Hall Station

New York, New York

Old City Hall Station

The very first subway station in New York City is beautiful, decked out in chandeliers, and ... abandoned?

Ben's Chili Bowl Mural

Washington, D.C.

Ben's Chili Bowl Mural

A gorgeous mural outside a beloved D.C. restaurant pays homage to famous Black Americans.

The propeller can currently be found in the Air and Space Museum.

Washington, D.C.

NASA Full Scale Wind Tunnel Propeller

While most wind tunnels test scale models, the "Cave of Winds" was large enough for actual airplanes.

The Preamble in License Plates

Washington, D.C.

The Preamble in License Plates

The preamble to the U.S. Constitution written entirely from vanity license plates hangs in the Smithsonian museum.

The cafeteria.

Washington, D.C.

Mitsitam Native Foods Cafe

A museum cafe showcases Native American dishes and indigenous ingredients from across the Western Hemisphere.

Sonny Bono Memorial Park

Washington, D.C.

Sonny Bono Memorial Park

A small triangle of DC grass is the final resting place of one of Sonny and Cher's songs.

Arizona Avenue Trestle

Washington, D.C.

Arizona Avenue Trestle

The span is crooked and made from two older recycled bridges.

View from second story.

Washington, D.C.

Chinatown Barnes Dance

The unique traffic pattern named for an influential urban planner is also known as the Pedestrian Scramble.

Disco Barbie Pond.

Washington, D.C.

Barbie Pond on Q Street

A rotating cast of guys and dolls in front of a Washington, D.C. building.

The embassy.

Washington, D.C.

The Cuban Embassy's Hemingway Bar

When it opened during the final years of the embargo, all the drinks and cigars were free.

The tower of books.

Washington, D.C.

Lincoln Book Tower

A three-story tower of books about Abraham Lincoln is one of the more unusual monuments to the president.

A discreet entrance to the White House.

Washington, D.C.

Secret Entrance to the White House

The winding route passes through an enclosed alleyway, two tunnels, and leads to the White House basement.

Summerhouse, designed by Frederick Law Olmsted - United States Capitol grounds, Washington, DC

Washington, D.C.

Summerhouse

A hidden gem on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol Building designed by landscape architect Frederick Law Olmsted.

Lincoln Memorial Undercroft

Washington, D.C.

Lincoln Memorial Undercroft

A cavernous three-story, 43,800-square-foot basement that was forgotten about for 60 years.

Culture House

Washington, D.C.

Culture House

A historic neighborhood church is reborn as a psychedelic arts collective.

Brewmaster's Castle

Washington, D.C.

The Brewmaster's Castle

This grand gothic brewery has been pumping out suds for over a hundred years.

Baroque Room

Washington, D.C.

The Mansion on O Street

With over 100 jam-packed rooms to explore plus elaborate tea services and events, the Mansion on O Street is a hidden treasure.

National Capitol Columns

Washington, D.C.

National Capitol Columns

The Corinthian columns that towered over Abraham Lincoln’s inauguration stand proud.

Palace of Wonders
Permanently Closed

Washington, D.C.

Palace of Wonders

Bar full of oddities, specimens, artifacts and homages to the great dime museums of the past.

The view from suburbia.

Glasgow, Scotland

Temple Gasometers

These rusting, skeletal structures are monolithic monuments to Glasgow's industrial past

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