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Profile image for bglewandowski

bglewandowski

Joined Atlas Obscura in 2016

Brian Gerard (Lewandowski) writes books critics call "aggressively adequate"—better than "aggressively terrible" but somehow more concerning. He once traded a MetroCard for a pitchfork on a subway platform and now uses it exclusively for dramatic pointing. He lives on a farm outside Charlottesville, Virginia, which consists of three disappointed potted plants and a pig named Trouble McFussbucket who serves as his harshest critic. His wife just smiles politely. The plants have given up entirely. His first manuscript was composed entirely of punctuation marks and confused sketches. One editor called it "what would happen if Finnegans Wake had a stroke." He's since published "Not Bukowski" (poems that don't rhyme, because discipline is hard) and "Slop and Swell from a Festering Mind" (essays so concerning that bookstores check on his well-being). His debut novel, "Otter Boy," is forthcoming, assuming he resists replacing the manuscript with semicolons and otter doodles before deadline. He also just released another collection of shorts called "The 10-Items-or-Less Apocalypse." You can find them all on Amazon and at other fine literary establishments. Brian once spent three hours photographing a rare bird that was actually a plastic bag. The bag hasn't returned his calls. His photos have graced both the Smithsonian and several Post Offices—the wanted posters captured his good side. He's the only person banned from church bake sales for "weaponized brownies" (cocoa powder in a Ziploc). He called it avant-garde. The pastor's wife called the authorities. The authorities declined. Inheriting humanism from Steinbeck, absurdism from Vonnegut and Adams, sprawling narratives from Irving, and weaponized failure from Moore, he writes about conflicted everymen suddenly struggling through supernatural chaos—scenarios he understands intimately, since his entire life feels like someone else's fever dream he's forced to live through sober. He does his best writing where people can't escape: DMV waiting rooms, his car in Target parking lots, and Scottish castles when someone else is paying. His characters are clever and fearless. Brian remains unconvinced that birds aren't surveillance drones.
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Places I want to go

Places on this traveler's wishlist.

Exterior of Bart's Books.

Ojai, California

Bart's Books

Explore more than 130,000 new and used books in the "world's largest outdoor bookstore."

Munster Mansion

Waxahachie, Texas

Munster Mansion

A Victorian mansion, painstakingly reproduced to appear just as the the Munster's family home did on TV.

The Exorcist Stairs

Washington, D.C.

The Exorcist Stairs

The site of the climactic scene from the classic horror film is now a historic landmark.

Paper House

Rockport, Massachusetts

Paper House

An 80-year-old house built out of newspapers.

Colored Musicians Club

Buffalo, New York

Colored Musicians Club

This landmark jazz venue is the oldest continuously running African-American club in the United States. Currently undergoing renovations, it is set to reopen in late 2025.

View of Silo City and Elevator Alley from the Ohio Street Lift Bridge.

Buffalo, New York

Silo City

Buffalo's abandoned concrete grain elevators are getting a second life.

A bottle of Washington's whiskey.

Alexandria, Virginia

George Washington’s Whiskey

Taste the white whiskey that the United States' first president once distilled and enjoyed.

Presidential Pets Museum
Permanently Closed

Williamsburg, Virginia

Presidential Pets Museum

The "first cat," "first dog," and even a presidential pygmy hippo all get their due in this museum.

Inside the Wilkes Street Tunnel.

Alexandria, Virginia

Wilkes Street Tunnel

This brick-lined pedestrian walkway was once a railway tunnel used during the Civil War.

Frontier Culture Museum

Staunton, Virginia

Frontier Culture Museum

Outdoor exhibits explore the contributions of European, African, and indigenous peoples to American frontier culture.

Camera Heritage Museum.

Staunton, Virginia

Camera Heritage Museum

Developed by focused shutterbugs, this museum exposes visitors to more than 6,000 different cameras.

One of the original torpedoes is still on display.

Alexandria, Virginia

Torpedo Factory Art Center

A former major munitions plant that has been converted into a sprawling art space.

Lee Chapel

Lexington, Virginia

University Chapel

This campus chapel is Robert E. Lee's final resting place and a topic of debate about the legacy of the Civil War.

Hogan's Alley

Stafford, Virginia

Hogan's Alley

The FBI's urban training course may have the highest fake crime rate in the world.

The slave memorial.

Alexandria, Virginia

Mount Vernon Slave Cemetery

The graveyard holding the remains of George Washington's slaves was forgotten for nearly 200 years.

Statue of George Washington

Alexandria, Virginia

The George Washington Masonic National Memorial

This stately building in Alexandria, Virginia was built by Freemasons to honor one of their most famous members.

The Archaearium

Williamsburg, Virginia

The Archaearium

This museum explores the grim reality of life in the earliest British colonies in America.

Exterior of the tavern.

Alexandria, Virginia

Gadsby's Tavern

This colonial tavern played host to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and other famous early Americans.

Hollywood Cemetery

Richmond, Virginia

Hollywood Cemetery

The final resting place of two (or three) presidents, one vampire, and 18,000 Confederate soldiers.

Plaque that marks the former hospital

Baltimore, Maryland

Site of Edgar Allan Poe's Death

The site where Poe “in great distress, and ... in need of immediate assistance” likely died.

The Horse You Came In On Saloon.

Baltimore, Maryland

The Horse You Came In On Saloon

A 200-year-old bar with a cheeky name claims to have served Edgar Allan Poe his final drink.

Ministry of Brewing

Baltimore, Maryland

Ministry of Brewing

An abandoned church gets a second life as a massive beer hall and event space.

Upside Down Traffic Light in Syracuse, New York.

Syracuse, New York

Upside-Down Traffic Signal

A reversed traffic signal that was once violently misinterpreted as a statement on British-Irish relations.

Brain of Helen Hamilton Gardener

Ithaca, New York

Wilder Brain Collection

This collection started by a Cornell professor once held more than 600 human brain specimens, including the one that belonged to its founder.

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